It's rough...

This blog is not only to keep friends and family (and strangers) on the up and up with little Eisley. But also a place for me to keep a record of Eisley so years down the road I will have this to reflect on. With that said...I am about to get real with what I am feeling and how life with this new person in our family is.

 I love my little lady, she is amazing and such a blessing to us. But man...she is hard work! I know they say babies are hard work, but I guess I didn't listen to them and just thought of big cute bright eyes staring up at me and huge gummy grin. Also...who is this "they"...their a bunch of know-it-alls! I didn't prepare for hours of crying, being overly fatigued, my body hurting, and crazy hormones. But...that is what I got.

Maybe you other seasoned parents are chuckling right now reading this...you know how I am feeling all to well. But man, it's rough.

 It's rough when she is screaming every evening and I have tried everything to comfort her. My heart breaks, my head spins, and my frustration rises.

 Its rough when my husband works so hard to provide for the family, but doing so leaves me alone with her 10+ hours a day.

 It's rough when breastfeeding is still hard for me and its my way to provide for her, but I dread when its eating time.

It's rough when I compare myself to other moms who seem to do it all: clean house, cook dinner, look amazing, craft all the time, work on developmental play with their baby, have a great relationship with their husband, and spend time with friends, all the while with a perfect baby.

 It's rough when all my family is 10 or more hours away and are missing out on our growing girl. They are not here to stop by and help out when I need it. 

It's rough when all my free time (which isn't much these days) needs to be spent working on things for Grad school but I just want to sleep.

It's rough when I feel like I have lost "me" but feel selfish for admitting this...I guess I just did.

It's not rough when just one smile, coo, sleepy laugh, or warm cuddle will make all of those overwhelming times and feeling fade away in an instant.

 

*all photos by my dear friend Cassie*

Eiselygram

I love Instagram...Its like facebook without the pointless updates....ok there are still a lot of pointless updates, but at least I just get to look a pictures. If you have an instagram, you can follow Brian here (expect a lot of fishing pictures) and me here (expect a lot of cat pictures). Now onto some of my favorite Eisleygrams.

 

Dear Eisley....One Month.

Dear Eisley,

You have been in our lives for one month now. Sometimes it feels like you have been here for longer, honestly I love you so much that I can't image a time I didn't know love for you. Your personality is awesome and quickly changing and growing. You are pretty laid back, you like your sleep, and you love to cuddle. You definitely let us know when you want something, but you are easy to please. You LOVE eating--but you are our daughter so who would expect less. Your dad likes to make me laugh when you are breastfeeding and says you're getting a milk shake...you don't seem to mind. Speaking of things you love--you really LOVE your changing table, we make faces, kiss your round belly, sing songs, and pretend to eat your toes. This is where we get big gummy smiles from you that melt our heart.

You are so strong! Everyone that holds you comments about how strong your neck is. You look all around and you love it when dad walks you around the house and talks to you about what you are seeing. You like looking at the lights and all the crazy trinkets in the hutch. Sometimes you decide you don't like the position you're in and LUNGE to one side...always keeping us on our toes.

So far the kitties just steer clear of you-- Kizzle decided you are not to bad to be around so she is ok sitting on the couch next to you. But Brimley doesn't like you. He hates it when you cry, and he doesn't like how you smell. Don't worry, I know you guys will be great friends when your big enough to play with him.

You make us laugh all the time. When you first wake up you start grunting and moaning and you stretch out and make yourself as long as possible. P.S... planking is so last year. It is funny because we have realized that is the exact same way I wake up! You make so many faces, but your go-to face is a grumpy, furrowed brow and people always ask what's wrong-- and we just tell them thats just how you look, haha!

You hate the hiccups, sometimes even yelling at them when they come, and I understand--.they suck.  But don't worry, your body will develop more and it won't be so bad soon. You also really hate the back of your neck being touched, when it is touched you turtle your head to your shoulders. I secretly find this funny so I try to give you big kisses on your neck and watch you turtle up...I know, it's mean, right!

We have been having so much fun getting to know you and your likes and dislikes.  It hasn't all been easy, truthfully I have had some very frustrating moments, especially in the evenings when you seem to cry and I don't know how to help you. But I am reminded every day (and in the middle of the night) when I look at your sweet face and watch your sleepy smiles just how much I love you and how all of this is so worth it.

Happy one month of life!

Sunshine sleeps

Picking her name

Eisley Caprice...This girl most likely won't have other kids in her class with the same name..I hope she is ok with that.

About seven years ago Brian and I were dating, I think we both knew we would get married someday, but it still wasn't a near reality. We started talking about kids and quickly started playing the name game. Most of the names we came up with for both genders were pretty horrible (think Mowgli) , and I am glad we didn't have kids at that time to be cursed with those names. But there was one name we both still loved sever years later when we finally did become pregnant...and that was Eisley. We knew of the name Eisley from a band we have both been fans of for a long time. They chose their band name from a planet in star wars called Mos Eisley. Now when I say we are a fan of the band, I would say I am really close to being a stalker of the band...I am like a teenage fan girl...following all the members (and their parents) on Instagram, knowing way to much about their personal lives, and tracking down every scrap of recorded music that has ever hit the internet.

Her middle name is my mom's first name. We knew we wanted a family name and we loved how Caprice sounded and how it  honored my mother. We kept this part of her name a secret from (almost) everyone and announced it after she was born. When we told my mom about 2 minutes after she was born that her middle name was Caprice she burst into tears. It is one of my favorite memories from her birth. 

Here are some fun defentions/meanings:
Urban Dictionary
Eisley:
A dreamy kind of music sung so beautifully, full of imagery, loaded with fantastic melodies and bursting with love that sounds like no other.
Dictionary
Caprice:
sudden, unpredictable or whimsical change; impulse
Baby name sites
Eisley:
Cheerful, strong
Caprice:
Whimsical, Playful

My hope for Eisley Caprice is that she fulfills her name. That she is a lover of music, whimsical, strong, and cheerful! Ask me again how I feel about the unpredictable impulse part when she is a teenager--hold me.

Little E's Nest

I love her little room...and by little I mean it...it's about 8x7, baby sized room for a baby!  I had a wonderful time decorating and finding pieces to put in her room that I loved, were meaningful, and helped to create a magical atmosphere. So put some slippers on, sip on something warm and yummy and enjoy the tour.

cute wall art.

"book" shelf!

 This owl was hand painted by her Aunt Anna, it opens up and has a little note for Eisley to store her treasures in there. The yarn balls and wood mushrooms are decorations from one of my baby showers.

Baby shower guest book.

My lovely friend Cassie made this tree guest book for my baby shower, the little heart in the tree says B+A=E. I love having this little reminder of all the people that love and celebrated Eisley before they even knew her.

Painting by Uncle Greg

 My Brother painted this super cute painting for Eisley's room. I was so surprised when he gave it to me. I guess in the process of making this, one of his ink pens exploded in my parents living room, and they had to re-paint to cover up all the ink...I say it was worth it.

little bunny fu-fu

This is wrapping paper that was used at Eisley's cousin Penelope's baby shower.

the poop station!

The changing table is a super cute vintage dresser that I found with my friend Sarah at our favorite antique shop.

ABC's

 My long time friend Hannah made this amazing alphabet banner, each letter is a work of art in itself.

Drawing by Sherri from the band Eisley

Drawing by Sherri from the band Eisley

 The lead singer from the band Eisley (where our little Eisley got her name) is an amazing artist and sells  some of her drawings. She herself is pregnant with her first little girl and drew this amazing astronaut mom picture, I knew I needed it for little E's room. When I received the drawing in the mail she had sent an additional little drawing which she signed for Eisley from her. I may or may not have squealed  like a 13 year old fan girl while opening this...and then I cried...I blame the hormones.

Some touches here on this shelf is a little dear that Hannah found for us, and I used it in some of my maternity pictures. Also in the background is a little card from my amazing friend Emily it is a quote that says "Children are made readers on the laps of their parents." I love this and can't wait to read her tons of bedtime stories.

More from the poop station.

These are cute vintage baskets to store all her cloth diapers and wipes. I think the diapers are so cute so it is fun to see them on display.

ABC's...some more!

 My mom found this really cute animal alphabet print, I love that there is some not so common animals, like a vampire bat!

little German friends.

 The little prints I found at a thrift store long before I was pregnant and I kept them around in hopes of using them in a nursery some day. The little owl was a gift from Hannah again (ok she is a keeper, she gives great gifts!) for a just because time.

cozy little spot.

Eisley!

Love all the details

Lovely colors!

My sister-in-law Annie had a friend paint these amazing letters in Eisley's name...she choose super fun colors and I love all the woodland creature details, so perfect! I seriously hope Eisley's loves this forever!

Alice In Wonderland.

My dad got me this wonderful, vintage, multiple canvas prints from an Alice in Wonderland book about 4 years ago. Another piece of artwork that I have kept around (not only because it's amazing) but in hopes of using it for a baby's room someday.

Fashionable

Her armoire is full with all the lovely hand-me-down and new clothes from friends and family.

Bedtime stories for days!

At one of my baby showers, everyone brought books and wrote in them instead of cards...I can't wait to read all of these to her! Lets be real...I can't wait to read most of them for myself. 

Whew...we made it...that's the tour of her little nest. It is like my little happy place, its so cozy and I love sitting in her room. She is not sleeping in there yet, but I am sure she will love it as much as I do.

Happy Birthday Eisley

Our birth story…where do I start? Well to begin with, I had this whole birth thing planned out in my head. I had done way too much research, watched documentaries, went to a very “Portland” birthing class, and knew exactly what I wanted and what I didn’t want. But when my due date came and went, we quickly saw that she was not going to come out on her own within a healthy time frame. So a few days shy of my 42^nd week of pregnancy I was eating a burger at killer burger, fueling up right before going to the hospital. 

Haters be learners!

I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad about not getting my envisioned birth, you know, the movie type.  Our bags had been packed for weeks in hopes that I could tell Brian it was GO TIME! But I found myself walking into the Hospital with a planned induction, it all felt so clean, clinical, and scheduled. Even all that couldn't stop me from being so excited and ready to get the hard work over with and bring little Eisley into this world!

Let me spare you the down and dirty details and give you the fly by list:

• Saturday 9/29--8pm Start induction plan 1
• Sunday 9/30--9am Induction plan 1 provided no progress
• Sunday 9/30--9:30 Try induction plan 2, failed
• Sunday 9/30--10am Start induction plan 3
• Sunday 9/30--2pm Induction plan 3 provided very little progress
• Sunday 9/30--2:30pm Start Induction plan 4
• Sunday 9/30--5pm My water breaks!
• Sunday 9/30--6pm-4am Had contractions all night
• Monday 10/1--5am Start induction plan 5
• Monday 10/1--9am Start to really feel contractions
• Monday 10/1--2pm Found out I was halfway there, felt defeated and tired
• Monday 10/1--2:30pm Got a dose of Fentanyl to help manage the pain a little
• Monday 10/1-- 4pm Fentanyl wore off 
• Monday 10/1--7pm I was ready to push!
• Monday 10/1--9pm Still freaking pushing
• Monday 10/1--11pm Eisley was born 

So many things did not happen the way I planned. But in the end I was rewarded with a precious miracle. So much of those 3 days are a blur but there are a few things that stand out in my mind:

• the touch of Brian’s hand on my back
• the soft encouraging words of my midwife (who was there the whole day of her birth)
• the reassuring nurses who went out of their way to comfort me
• catching up on Americas next top model
• the worried smile of my mom
• my dad and I trying to play poker when my water broke
• the horrible hospital food that was so bad it was funny
• the texts and calls from friends and family anxiously awaiting news
• Brian sitting by me and doing all he could do to comfort and love me
• getting the motivation to push harder than before by feeling my daughter’s full head of hair
• wanting to hear her cry more than anything
• Brian picking the perfect music to fit with the different stages of the day
• feeling tears of joy run down my cheek and seeing tears in Brian’s eyes when we saw her for the first time
• seeing my mom burst into tears when we announced that her middle name was after her
• Knowing in a specific moment that my life was forever changed by this amazing little girl.
• Seeing Brian become a dad when he held her for the first time

Welcome little one

Daddy Loves.

Yes it was long. Yes it wasn’t my “birth plan”. Yes it was worth it. God created this perfect child inside me and trusted Brian and I to love and care for her. He built my body to carry and deliver her safely and gave me the strength and stamina to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Little Eisley…we had a big party that day, Heck, we partied for 3 days waiting for you to choose your birthday! So happy to start October out with a celebration of you and all your snuggly wonderfulness. 

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