Big sister. That is what you are going to be a few short weeks. No longer will you be my only baby, my littlest love, my only child. This thought breaks my heart. My love for you is HUGE. I cherish my time with you. Some days are hard, really hard. But in those moments when I get to kiss your hurts, snuggle you close while you cry, watch you learn and explore, test your limits, I try to remember that these moments are short in your life. It won’t be long until you won’t let me give you kisses, or hug you when you’re hurt. It won’t be long before you are no longer my baby.
These days you’re spunky and sweet. You love animals and your family, you get so excited when papa comes home from work, and you laugh and run around, ready for him to play with you. You have a special relationship with each of your grandparents. You know your Grandpa (who you’ve started calling P-Pa) will take you on a walk outside if you gently grab his hand and say “outside?” You love hanging out with Nana when she is getting ready, playing in the shower, trying on shoes, having her brush your hair. With your Grandaddy (who you call Gaddy) you also get him to take you outside, to take their dog Max (who you call Mass) for a walk or to go feed the fish. You and Momo have a great time together, lately you have been hanging out at her office while I go to my prenatal appointments, she lets you sit at her desk and use all her pens to draw.
These last few months I have been trying to remember you just as you are, with your little curls in the back of your head, your sweet girly laugh, your love for cheese, the way you say words, your cute mannerisms, your soft touches on my arm when you’re tired, and the way you are constantly talking in your own language but look at us so intensely like we should know exactly what you’re saying. However, it is hard, because every day you are changing and growing.
Everyone tells me there is enough love in me for another baby, but sometimes I wonder, when I look at how much I love you, how that is possible. I guess we will have to wait and see. You are going to have to be patient with me, there are times when I won’t be able to sing you a goodnight song, or kiss your hurts, or help you brush your teeth, or sit and snuggle while we watch Frozen. These things will have to be done with other people in your life. I know, however, that it will only make our time together sweeter and even more important. My baby, my first born, my little love—thank you for making me a mother and preparing me to start this mothering thing all over again.
Sister Bear Shirt